I never post anything because it feels truly pointless to share something nobody ultimately cares about. He died from septic shock brought on from diverticulitis in a little over 30 hours. My boyfriend of many years died of congestive heart failure and I cry because of his suffering. I stay busy. Its hard but we humans keep going. For me, that reuniting may be when Im shipped back to the USA to be buried alongside him. Its not worth the pain and the change to your self and those around you. He came home after his wife treated him terrible and would not look after him. I try to stay very busy . It never sets you up for well we knew it was going to happen. This effect makes it look like your fingernails, toenails and hair grew longer since you passed away. I Sang to him while he was there passing. Nothing feels right anymore. The cancer was already in his liver when they found it, so all that could be done is chemo to give him a little more time. I now am stronger. I lost mom 14 months ago. I have a son who is 13 from a previous marriage, and he is the only reason I stick around. Year two was when reality somehow knocked on the door; it was terrible. I look forward to a time when it may ease, but for now i am grateful to read others experiences. It is very hard, being the eldest, the expectations and the norm of just dealing with parents grief is heart breaking. Im sure that I am ready to date and I am grateful my friend is so patient. Ive felt so guilty since he passed about everything I could have said and everything I shouldnt have said, it makes me feel sick to my stomach. I yearn so badly just to be with him. I just dont want to do anything. I identify with the fear of more & more time passing since he was here. I lost my sister over 2 years ago and as you can see, Im up at 12 AM on a workday looking for some words of encouragement. Not only am I different from lossing my best friend, I am also different after taking all those pills. I would do anything to hear the words mommy. I feel like you do after my husband was murdered a year ago and then my beloved dog died. Its even worse cuz he was a body builder and him losing all his strength in front of me has devastated me h was so strong they it all. I feel the same way about Clay. I understand your grief. God left me here for a reason, I just dont know what for. Key groups, like the FDA and CDC, have already signed off on a booster dose for all . Ive lost both my parents and many significant others but my child is the absolute worst. Our hope is in Heaven. So, my big brother ended his life in May of 2019. he was a comic style artist and left me hundreds of incredible images and left me with the nagging sadness of wondering if I could have done something different to change his outcome. ========================. How so fortunate they are not to go on. I laughed hard at that. And had the door open when I came home at night. Is it temporary? A white feather flew into my hand out oof the blue. And No, I'll Never 'Get Over' It | Glamour. I cant write it but feel it and I feel it with you. I have trips planned, do volunteer work, try to be active in my church, but I realize the hole in my heart will never heal. Of a UTI infection. In the first year after her death, I felt her presence twice, and heard her voice in a dream. But now 18 mths on its too much to bear, I wake up crying from such real dreams. She lost her battle in May 2016. The pain is physical even as I start into year 3 without him. Only people whove dealt with a difficult loss can truly be empathetic and understanding. I sometimes now find it hard to walk down a street that holds. Trying to figure out how Ill ever move on and know I have to. The grief process has been awful but I am working with it. I love him with all of who I am. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4Rnyqe1XiP0. I think that people mean well. I am taking that as progress through the storm. My spouse died suddenly also. It has been over 2 years and I still miss him so. Big hugs. The silence of my house is unbearable. It starts like a small fire being ignited in the pit of my stomach that begins to swell and push upward. My personality has changed, I feel clold hearted alot,when Im warm by nature. Feel your feelings, cry when you need to. I lost my dad n 2009, my mom 2011, & most recently my husband 2016 after 35 yrs of marriage. I have been dating again although I was not looking I started to date an Ex that I have older children by, I Dont feel right and feel guilty at times but it helps sometimes. I always go to sleep hoping God we let me see her in a vision or dream. Early on I dehydrated terribly and could not think clearly at all. Come home, turn on the lights, walk through an empty house, empty life. So thank you for all the sharing here. I dont think Ive really dealt with this. But was suppose to be ok. Praying for us all. If anyone can help me with this . Wendy, i lost my mother/best friend 16 months ago and feel the same, nothing will ever be the same again and we are all just a little spot in time. I have always been a sensitive person and now I am finding I take things too personally and feel hurt or angry. Humans have the capacity to share themselves with another press. I seem to be crying much more during the holidays. The first year I immersed myself in clearing things up and moved across the country to be with my daughter. I do not belong in this world anymore. We loved nothing more than simply being together. I have days of no energy or ambition. We loved each other so much, and we finally found each other after earlier years of misery from other relationships. Im 72 years old I feel like I have to sneak around and hide out just to be with him it causes so much trouble so much stress we cant hardly enjoy being with each other because of my three grown kids. We waited so long for each other. I feel horrible. Im struggling daily just to go on. I lost my husband 20 months ago. He was diagnosed with an advanced cancer and died less than a month after. .it was always he and i. The last two year was hell on her. He was 84 & I am 65. She died of complications from a routine surgery, and from the time I took her to the ER until she died it was only 2 weeks. I do not want to do any of these things. I feel I can,t cope. I must have made my mom thousands of cups of tea over the yearshow I wish I could sit with her and have one more. People always tell me to move on and Ive tried but it hasnt been the same. My Wife, best friend, confidant, solemate is gone. I thank God daily for having given me 47yrs with such a great man. Crying is healing. The year anniversary of his passing will be Dec 5. Of course, other times the pain is raw and I can not imagine going forward without her. It was completely unexpected as he was fairly young and never had health issues. I made the decision to bottle all my emotions inside of me and sooner or later they had to come out which they did about a month ago. I lived off cake, pie, candy & other sweets. You are always in my mind and I know you're watching over me and mum from above, it makes me smile even though I am sad. Praying for peace. Im old. Its been little over seven months. I wish it would get better and I could smile again, just a simple smile once in awhile. I do have friends and church family that will not allow me to stay inside for very long. Im truly sorry for every one of your losses. I have had to make tough decisions on what I can handle. All me best regards. Ive been going to a grief counselor and its helped a lot but this feels like something I havent experienced yet. Ann! Its tough, 2 years ago my wife had back surgery the third morning after surgery she complained of a hard time breathing early the next day the hospital called and she passed from a blood clot. In these first weeks it is so easy to put your body under extreme stress. But you know what just like people say theres always a light at the end of the tunnel. These powerful first-person stories explore . But Istill had hope. I feel so hopeless and Im just tired of feeling like this. I guess its normal. I wish I had that one more everyday. Or maybe its because the more time passes, the longer weve had to live without that person. I felt relieved when he passed away, because I know he's not hurting anymore. It has been 18 months since my wife was told that she has brain cancer. Cant find any purpose for my life. But until these well meaning people develop a great deal of empathy, they just dont get it!! There is hope; the sun does shine again. My husband was only 51. My wife and I too figured mid-80s at least. A week later he was so weak he was hospitalized then sent to hospice and then he was gone. I function. He has been gone for 15 months. The loss is so new, the first months can be spent in a blur of shock and disbelief. I sobbed daily for two months. I am now one year eight months and seventeen days from the last day I saw him laying in the hospital bed dying. Do you have any suggestions as to how I can push myself to get past this hurdle. I remember the meltdown in my life, Christmas day.realizing that I would never have another Christmas life my previous 20 years, I cried so hard, I didnt think I could have any tears leftbut they just kept coming. I still cry for him. The second year was guilt as I moved further from her friends and family (honestly, we moved from each other). Feel like Ive gone back to the early days of losing him. With over 18 stays in the hospital and 29 procedures to keep her liver going. I feel the same. We all will walk this path our own way, its the most difficult challenge of ones life. He was my heart and it was only 4 years and 7 months but he was my everything. I thought I was moving forward but the holidays have definitely set me back. He had cancer. Everyone feels like Im negative, and depressing, and really I just want to see my mum. Im sorry. He was 45, and had suffered no symptoms until is was far too late. i feel so much for you all > I lost my husband after being married 50 years . He was my life. totally I pray for all of us that someday we will find true joy again. In 2016 diagnosed stage 4 cancer in July Dr said aggressive cancer and he wont see Christmas, I couldnt breathe or talk I felt numb. That helps . Changes in feeding times or even simply moving furniture around can cause further stress. I was with him everyday and night for a month during transplant and then nine month later he went in with the infection and I stayed with him five days and nights. There is always an emptyness in my heart. Maybe one should not love so deeply, then maybe it would not hurt so much to lose them. Save my name, email, and website in this browser for the next time I comment. The last few years have been a blur of trauma and sadness. and I know now I am not going crazy. Mom now 80 and I looked after him. But, by the end of the year, I felt like I survived. you learn to live with it, this is so true. Patti, I once went to a counselor because I was like you constantly talking about the situation to anyone that would listen. Its bittersweet reading all the comments thinking Im only on my 2nd month and some took forever to move on. See more ideas about grief quotes, grieving quotes, miss you dad. Your children would feel the pain you feel if something happened to you! He had a rare form of cancer for Its been 2 years 4 months and 18 days since I lost my husband unexpectedly He was only 59 and super fit. Never feel that you cannot cry about your loss of him. Its still there. She was my heart, my everything. I was 18 and 18yrs when I meet him he was 21. Plismy husband passed away at the beginning of this year from brain tumor after being together for almost one mnth now his gone and its the second mnthits just hurts and a headache and making me cry all nitei dnt know wat to do ..i need advice.. It helps a great deal to know that grieving beyond one year is normal. Honest quotes about grief: Tonight. I lost my grandfather who I was very close with. I have less friends here now because my husband is no longer here. Some days I just find it impossible to even tackle housework having that cant be bothered feeling and only going out to do the weekly shop. When a friend's parent passes away, it can be hard to know what to say to them. We were blessed with 4 children, who still desperately need me at ages 11, 9, 8, and 7. :-(. 2nd year I didnt know how to cope with the pain so i was in a unlovable/toxic situation with someone plus I lost myself with drugs and alcohol. Oh precious fellow travellers. You do. You move on , try to meet new people. It helps by turning a negative into a positive but it also stirs up emotions afterwards. This second year is as hard as the first. 1st 6 months was a blur whilst I navigated other peoples concern and my childs own grief. just feels worse this second year coming up to xmas. I lost my father 18th month ago sudden stoke he was with me I thought he was suffering from a low and I was treating him for that as he was type 1 diabetic. I talk about him to everyone way too much, even strangers, it is like I cannot believe it and saying it out loud confirms it. If you dont mind I will include you in my prayers. I just loved my husband so much as we were together 49 years and never spent any time apart. NOT EVER!!!!! I dread Christmas. I spent the first year in tears, confusion, shock, and disbelief. I hate crying and find myself doing it more and more lately. I might not cry several times a day like before, there is just a constant state of sadness & loss, wanting & longing to share what we had together as loving soul mates. Four months after her death my 32 year old nephew died of a drug over dose. Cancer was the thief that stole him from me and has forever changed my life. Her not being here The second year of grief is like reliving the first year but awake. ~ C.R. And nothing helps, no praying no counseling the kids are far. It was a 16 months battle that we knew she was going to lose. As I saw him as a father, I now, looking back, think I was rather selfish and am full of remorse. It took at least a year to realize that the evidence I would get was the fact I held on to him. I feel disconnected most of the time but I am getting glimpses of myself outside of grief or with making friends with my grief and my life. He was my rock. - Unknown. We stay in touch quite well.I just want my life back, but it was my husband that made me whole. They were able to get a heartbeat, he was on ventilator and all tests everything came back to normal. He died in his sleep. I took time off work teaching to nurse her at home to the end. Never to forget what you hadnever, never, never! You never forget, you just learn how to deal with the pain and heartache. But I still have so many questions. I was 18 when we got together. Ive had periods of peace, but when Im alone sometimes, it hits me hard. On the anniversary of his funeral, I lost it. An Excell ant article..really on the mark. It has given me some techniques to address when a wave hits to create some space to be able to take a breath. We were and still are devastated. I wish you peace. I am shattered, dont want to live without him, and every morning I still wake up after a night of praying and pleading to The Creator, to please let me go Home to join my beloved soulmate. I feel as though Im nothing. I have me4 a man who I like and makes me laugh. I was a young 54, when he was diagnosed with stage 4 lung cancer (non smoker). Every journey is unique and we just get through our own way. Just trying to move forward in life but the pain came back again and it hurts so much. I also lost my husband to pulmonary fibrosis although he also developed two tumours on his lung. They call that your new normal. I get angry very easily, I cry at the drop of a hat, I cant sleep and I just miss him so much. Its been two and a half years following the loss of my husband. Two and a half years since my heart left. Am I wrong? For me food was an interesting ordeal. I shall not know in this lifetime. I hope you find what works for you, what helps get you through, what makes it bearable to be alive. I sat today looking through the plethora of pictures of her and I'm just so happy I had what little time I did with her. I think of her every day and night. Less than a week went bytraumatized despite all of this, but coping. I miss you so much babe. Since then, I have a general awareness that she watches over me, but I cant hear or feel her. He passed suddenly 7-18-16, and I still cant believe he is gone. It didnt hit me until I was driving out of the hospital parking ramp: I didnt get to take her home. This year, it seems as if my thoughts revolve around all the treatment my deceased wife got that didnt help, treatments she could have received, and a yearning for one more. One more smile, a hug, a kiss, a conversation, a meal together. I lost my uncle 11 months ago. !My best friends leaving.. really Knocked the Wind out of me. I can barely cope. They came to everything I was involved in from adolescence into adulthood. Peace be with you!! It can be from 150 to 180 percent of the parent's full . I decided that Wichita was not for me. He was my hero,Everything reminds me of him, Memories of our 8 year 28 day travel schedule, I was his caregiver, I been so hard to believe.. my superman is no longer here to talk to run ideas by, dinner movies, what our favorite shows like shark Tank, Love dtorties with, Exercise with,fuss with,getaways,dance with, hugs.. alll the above. Those kinds of moments are among the hardest because they bring us face-to-face with our new reality by reminding us of how much we miss the profound bond of love that we experienced in doing the simplest things together. I cry everyday on and off. Im at 15 months 8 days and Ive become a day counter, as if theres some magic milestone I need to reach. He was doing well until a infection set in eventually going to his brain. "Remembering and honoring you on this day, one year after this world lost a precious soul.". He had a massive heart attack but the insurance said he was not sick enough to have the tests to get treatment. Never to forget the wonderful years that you shared. Maybe. All in all he was fortunate t I be taken fast. The rest of the post has been deleted, only the title remains. Its so much to deal with even with a grievance counselor. We had problems for a while because of her addiction that she had struggle with for a few years from Pain medication and anxiety and other mental health medication. But taking steps to understand your emotions and find support can . Karl thank you for your comment. The first year was a whirlwind of emotions and things that needed to get done. Not sure what God has in mind for me yet, so I just wait and wait. I feel like if I move out and get my own place something new I may be able to. We talked about everything. And now guilt because of some things I am doing. Stay alive. I think I will only be content whenever he comes for me but Im even now having doubts about where he is and is there really life after death, Its been 2yrs &2 months since my husband suddenly pasted away. July 2018. No bots, proxies, or datacenters Also her name was Holly and now with Christmas coming. I was her care taker 24/7, she was also my best friend and constant companion. Its easier but than again it isnt. And then it did happen. The numbness is gone and reality is now setting in. She, or rather we , battled cancer for about 4 years and it was a roller coaster . I shed MANY tears. That was September 2013. Calvin, So sad. People say that when a door closes, God gives us a window. I lost my firstborn precious child, my 10 year old son a few days away from 14 months ago. So much loss for them too. He was only 53 when he passed. I dont like to eat, but water for months. But my kids have pretty much disowned me wrote me off at showed no respect for me at all and I believe that our relationship together thats my kids is damage forever until I die. After I took him off life support. Saying Im sorry for your loss doesnt cut it but being thru situations Im sorry youre lost because I know I am. I thought, in some detached way, that things were getting better. It felt so good. And I took him of life support. I know I dont want to live like this for any length of time anymore. I truly am because we as grievers know that loss is not the complete word. In 2015 something started to affect my wife of 32 years. Maybe I am just waking up to the reality that suffering is unavoidable and that pretending away death does a disservice to everyone including myself as it makes me bitter and more resentful. I sat with her for 3 hours, waiting until her last breath, saying goodbye. It's the kind of heartache you can feel in your bones. That magic one year mark does not cure your hurt. He was also my husband`s best friend but he seems to be coping better than I. I do not like to talk about my grief very much to other members of the family as I feel they will think I should be moving forward. I pray daily for all who mourn the death of a loved one or pet, O my, thankyou. (Yes, I know, 14 months is not enough time, but this grievers-purgatory, if you will, is mentally exhausting.). I lost my Dad in February of 2016. My grief totally took over my life. Everyone says things happen for a reason but I cant find a good reason, there is no good reason. She lived with me & my husband after my brother passed & I had to watch her suffer & die. Its too hard to live without them. I realize that he still loves me and is looking out for me. But even after years, every day I'm carrying the pain . "A year without you has felt like an eternity. Twenty people. It is not till something happens in your life that you realise your not alone. But, know that those thoughts are self protection thoughts from the pain and hurting you are going through. I came home to be with her after my brother died 2-1/2 years before. I did not dwell on these thoughts the first year but now my mind wont stop wondering! I came on here hoping for good news for year two. I pray to the Lord that he treats you as kindly as you treated us. I feel for all of you so much. Wish I was with my wife really. She battled stage 4-5 cancer for fourteen years. I pray daily that God would take me so that I could be with my wife. It feels like Ive lost a part of my life. But they still flow and the empty lonely feeling is so much worse. Scars are only ugly to people who cant see. Now. I do have some hope to give you. Children are grown doing well, there are 12 grandchildren, 4 great grand children, and me . Sounds crazy right. I swim a lot and do Yoga and Mindfullness. i found myself googling for months trying to understand the event how it happened and could i have avoided it. It was such a comforting dream and I was so glad to hear from him:), It does and Im searching for answers on how to ever repair my broken heart If it werent for my kids o wouldnt manado. However, I end up waking up, and like a mouse in a wheel, run the same cycle daily. Be patient with yourself. My first year I believe I was totally in shock and family members kept me busy. I have been off work for a month and finding hard to cope the thing that keeps me here is my grandkids.So for me the second year is worse maybe cause l was numb because l lost so much in one month all l do at the moment is live each day hoping tomorrow will be better. I remarried in 2012 after dating for 5 years my second husband died 6 weeks later of heart attack on his way to work at the fire department. Hi- I just read your storyits almost been 2 years since my husband died. She had battled Ovarian Cancer for 8 years. We had such a good relationship as Im sure yours was. I never get a reply. I share everyones pain expressed here. Im trying to deal every day and some are better than others. I can hardly read through all my tears for me and for everyones post were not alone. I dont have no desire to date. He said any kind of self harm is your bodies way of protecting itself from the great, immeasurable pain. Early in 2011, I lost my little brother(31), and a beloved co-worker/friend, and my mother-in-law within 1 1/2 months. I just cant see me with anyone else. I think of that all the time, when I feel like I cant go on. I lost my husband 2 1/2 years ago and miss him terribly. Take it from an old guy.
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