short funny affirmations short funny affirmations

A wishbone. 2. 1. I love my body. I just go normal from time to time. Because they make up everything. Im going to stand outside, so if anybody asks for me, Im outstanding. Doing nothing is hard, you never know when youre done. document.getElementById( "ak_js_1" ).setAttribute( "value", ( new Date() ).getTime() ); Should I Send My Child to Therapy? Still, you need to embrace each of these surprises with same positive conviction and appreciation. 64. And one of the fundamental truths in life is that they will make . If you dont succeed at first, hide all evidence that you tried. Billy Wilder. Raimonda.B. 213. Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city. grateful. 75. When and How to Let Them Know, How To Cheer Yourself Up When Feeling Down, 5 Things To Discuss With Your Partner Before Marriage, Funny Positive Affirmations For Self-Esteem, 50+ Powerful Positive Affirmations For Exams, 70+ Positive Affirmations For Teens From Parents. I am awesome. I dont need anger management, you just need to stop making me angry. I sometimes might be too much, but I am always enough. I believed in Santa Claus for 10 years. 182. Because their teacher told them it was a piece of cake. There's value in patting yourself (and your friends) on the back.Positive affirmations are statements that can help brighten your outlook on the world when you say them to yourself regularly or write them down in a journal.While affirmations are no substitute for professional help such as therapy when you're experiencing anxiety or depression, those who swear by the power of uplifting . Happiness is a choice. 217. I said no to drugs, but they just wouldnt listen. 220. Say your affirmations slowly and clearly. 58. You can write them down and use them whenever you're attending a social event or if you simply just want to make yourself laugh. Charles M. Schulz My to-do list doesnt include dealing with negative people. When nothing is going right, go left. No matter how bad it gets Im always rich when I go to the dollar store. 28. I just go normal from time to time. If you feel like todays not your day and the best thing would be to stay in bed, Ive got something that will cheer you up. Not saying I hate you, but if your face was on fire and I had a glass of water, Id drink it. Please do your own research before making any online purchase. I like my thoughts how I like my whiskey, always glass half full. He said, 'So does the guy I stole it from.'" What is the difference between snowmen and snowwomen? I am so f*cking awesome. How do trees access the internet? These kinds of things just come with the territory if youre trying to live a meaningful life. My dream job would be the Karma delivery service. We all have those days when we feel like the world is coming to an end. Stop trying to make everyone happy. Some when they enter, others when they leave. Infographic: Why Do People Swipe Right (or Left) on Tinder. 258. Funny affirmation quotes funny quotes about affirmation. Decomposing. Your brain will only ever optimally respond to positive present tense affirmations such as " I am calm .". They say dont try this at home so Im coming over to your house to try it. 1. I am lazier after accomplishing the motive. Friends come and go, but enemies remain and build up. 110. 191. My boss is like a baby, screams and wakes me up every half hour. 72. Seeing a spider in my room isnt scary. These affirmations will help you to combat the lies of the enemy in every aspect of your life. When shit hits the fan at work, I turn it into fertilizer. 48. If you cant remember my name, just say chocolate and Ill turn around.. I tried, but they wanted cash. Gravitation cannot be held responsible for people falling in love. Run. I receive what I believe. I am so worthy so that I am filling the life of people with fun and joy. 170. Mind blown! An apple a day keeps anyone a way, if you throw it hard enough. "Whatever you do, do with all your might.". Of course, I talk to myself, sometimes I need expert advice. Life begins on Friday night. 8. 224. My body belongs to me and I can set boundaries around it. I breathe in and out. Common sense is like deodorant, those who need it the most never use it. Bill Murray, 251. Having a smoking section in a restaurant is like having a peeing section in a pool. Remember: Dont Insult the Alligator till after you cross the river. 3. Giving up on myself because of one setback is like slashing my other three tires because one is flat., 10. Here is a list for you that has all the funny affirmations: I am making myself laugh every time I say any sarcastic word. When affirmations make you feel good about yourself, they are most effective. 273. My house was clean yesterday, sorry you missed it. Bill Murray I know the best time to make fun. Everyone brings happiness to this office. 73. Walking into a room and then forgetting why I am here is my daily cardio. Maybe if we tell people the brain is an app, theyll start using it. I have a new hairstyle today, its called I tried., 136. What do I do for a living? If you think women are the weaker sex, try pulling the blanket back to your side. But you can always be immature. 50. 4. Focus on the positives and be grateful. Plus, youre never gonna become funny and charismatic by being afraid to speak your mind. 160. I attract the right people and repel the wrong ones. Consider what you want to accomplish using these witty affirmations, and go for the ones that will bring you closer to that goal. How do astronomers organize a party? 179. 206. I noticed his watch and said that it runs slow. Its not easy staying motivated for work all the time. A balanced diet means a cupcake in each hand. Live life to the fullest. The future is shaped by your dreams, so stop wasting time and go to sleep. 279. 119. 214. 114. My jokes do. It is, therefore, safe to say that, sense of humor. No matter how bad it gets Im always rich when I go to the dollar store. Look, youre smiling! My diet for today: 1% food, 99% Halloween candy. 232. My legs are so sore from the gym that I almost couldnt walk to the donut shop. 171. Absorb these 41 positive quotes and positive affirmations and start feeling positive now! I am capable of eating a family-sized bag of chips. Waiting until the movie starts to eat your popcorn, hardest thing in the world. Ive made it from the bed to the couch. avoid carbs. 114. 99. Honolulu, its got everything. 1. Excuse me, I need to go be awesome today. Expect nothing and appreciate everything. 26. I am wise enough to make the same mistake again!, 8. So far, so good. Youre just gonna feel embarrassed for a minute or two and then it will be over. 7. Most of the articles that Ive written about affirmations are about more serious topics: Lets keep things a little lighter in this article shall we? Repeat the affirmation as many times as you see fit. Relax, its the weekend, just dont blink or it will be all over. Everyone wants to talk with me because I am very funny. Im not arguing, Im just telling you why youre wrong. Use them throughout the day whenever you experience negative thoughts. Short Positive Daily Affirmations. 46. 186. 144. Smile today, tomorrow could be worse. 175. - George Burns. I dont like morning people, or mornings, or people. Papercut: A trees final moment of revenge. I personally love watching masters of comedy, Feel free to pick a few of these affirmations and say them to yourself the next time youre. The world is missing some pizzazz. 125. I really should do something with my life, maybe tomorrow. I wish my wallet came with free refills. Lifes biggest struggle: I need to pee, but I dont want to get out of bed. Smile today, tomorrow could be worse. Every one of my colleagues brings happiness into the office. Square box, round pizza, triangle slices, now thats confusing. 13. 21. Those who snore always fall asleep first. First, read the most powerful affirmations below to build a strong mind. God heals, and the doctor takes the fees. If everyone knew what I was thinking, I would get punched in the face a lot. 16. You need some sort of way to offset the inevitable stressors of life, and what better way to do that than with humor? I honor that time. 185. 157. Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea. Sincerely, yourself. 148. It gets toad away. Pat Sajak, 41. The best things in life are free. Some when they enter, others when they leave., 2. No one is immune to self-sabotage, heartbreak, loss, and failure. Friends come and go, but enemies remain and build up. 21. 100. I have seen better days, but Ive also seen worse. I lost some weight once, but I found it again in the fridge. 39 funny positive affirmations. The great pleasure in life is doing what people say you cannot do. Im so good at sleeping that I can do it with my eyes closed. 95. Who says nothing is impossible? I am too lazy to be lazy. Wilson Mizner Build a bridge. 140. 228. Why is England the wettest country? -Katrina Bowden. What we say not only affects our lives but also has an impact on those around us. A gummy bear. The rest are too expensive. Good morning! 93. 240. Take some time each day to go through these funny affirmations for self-esteem and see how your mood shifts in response. Im not here to judge, Im just pointing out all the mistakes youre making. I could agree with you, but then wed both be wrong. The following is the list of some humorous affirmations for you: I am doing all the amazing things because I am an amazing human being. Never put off till tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow as well., 13. What do I do for a living? These kinds of things just come with the territory if youre trying to live a meaningful life. See more ideas about sarcastic, funny quotes, funny. I may stumble along the way, but I will get over it. A bald spot is like a lie, the bigger it gets the harder it is to cover it up. IRS: Weve got what it takes to take what you have got. Give your body time to absorb the positivity and let go of negative thoughts. 178. Some when they enter, some when they leave. 118. Similar to how it's important to minimize distractions in the workplace, you need a few minutes of peace to focus and mindfully say your affirmations. You may have people laugh at you instead of with you. To err is human, but to really foul things up you need a computer. If lying was a job some people would be billionaires. "Being funny doesn't take much effort.". 250. "Who you are inside is what helps you make and do everything in life". 92. 221. Giving up on myself because of one setback is like slashing my other three tires because one is flat. Bill Gates. The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits. One thing you need to remember though; if you are going to be funny, then make sure youre actually funny. The only power you have is the word no. Enjoy! 151. If I won the award for laziness, I would send somebody to pick it up for me. Your words become your actions. 32. I can have peace, even when people irritate me.. Its a door, thats how they work. God has never abandoned me. Jackie Collins We all have baggage, find someone who loves you enough to help you unpack. 75. I didnt mean to push all your buttons, I was just looking for the mute button. You try again, but no sound is coming out. My goal this weekend is to move, just enough so people dont think Im dead. Because so many kings and queens have been reigning there. Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact? All you need is love. Common sense is like deodorant, those who need it the most never use it. 2. They planet. HAM AND EGGS A days work for a chicken; A lifetime commitment for a pig. As you can see, laughter is already a powerful tool on its own. 28. 124. Youre not tequila., 5. Dont drink to forget me, youll end up seeing me double. I am calm, patient and at peace. 165. I solemnly swear that I am up to no good. 4. 12. Yes, officer, I saw the speed limit, I just didnt see your car. Infographic: What is the Ultimate Commitment. 128. 69. Breasts dont have eyes. 9. Im sure youve heard a lot about affirmations, what they do and why you should start using them daily. Henny Youngman, 246. Im full of funny ideas waiting to be expressed. Never test how deep the water is with both feet. 69. Whenever I clean my closet I take a GPS with me, so I can find my way back. 210. 62. 271. 207. I am just making myself capable enough to live in the moment. All rights reserved. I eat cake because its someones birthday somewhere today. Not only can laughter improve our problem-solving skills, but it can also help battle various diseases. "When tempted to fight fire with fire, remember that the Fire Department usually uses water.". Also read: 70+ Positive Affirmations For Teens From Parents. Really? I understand people talking about me. 176. I dont need you to remind me of my age at work, I have a bladder that will do that for me. I might go home today, but I will go bigger tomorrow. With a cowculator. .People who enjoy making other people laugh are also known to be more detail oriented. Youre talking to yourself. 226. 212. I rescued some beer that was trapped in a bottle. 167. Im so good at sleeping that I can do it with my eyes closed. So, watch your words, restructure your thoughts, and stay positive if you want to see a change in your life. When they go away, its a brighter day. 63. Erma Bombeck. 231. Its not important to win, its important to make the other guy lose. Alright, get in the basket. So, why not team them up? 32. I am sorry not everyone will have the pleasure of knowing me., 14. A committee is a group that keeps the minutes and loses hours.